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hansquared
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Name: Han
Birthday: 10/15/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: watching NFL(Go Steelers!), obsessing over The Matrix, techy stuff, have fun with friends, journaling, DLing music, the works.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
10/30/2003
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| Switching it up. No more Xanga.
http://hansquared.blogspot.com
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| I think I'm ready to migrate to Blogspot. Look for it in the upcoming week... Xanga seems so high school and young college, and it's time for something more personizable. It's strange how different these different blogging sites make me feel.
Livejournal - I've had a LJ for about 7 years. My entries are friends only, except if you dig back long enough, you'll discover the ones I haven't had the energy to change to 'private'. I receive lots of comments and very personal feedback from all my LJ friends. I feel like LJ has a population that is a bit more emo than others. That translates to more darkness, but perhaps a place for me to be honest about my darker side. I am only to write very honestly, but perhaps it's because I know that none of my friends in real life will ever read it. So, in essence, I write for *me* and not for my audience.
Xanga - I think Xanga reminds me of bubble pop and Asians. It also feels much less mature than other sites, and I've rearely read Xangas entries that dive into the deeper matters. Even the UI makes it feel almost comical. Most of my xanga audience consists of college friends, a lot of which I barely know in real life. As a result, it's hard to completely spill my guts. I am fully aware of my audience, often writing and then re-writing entries to not offend others. I also read them to make sure I am not spilling too many personal thoughts with this world of near-strangers. If you were all total strangers, it wouldn't matter so much. At least I don't have to hide behind your eyes of judgement across campus.
Blogspot - My friend Caitee has a Blogspot site, and I absolutely adore it. Instead of part of the Blogspot world, it feels like HER world whenever I go to the website. It's like living in a custom built house instead of a cookie cutter surburban plan. They also do a better job of privacy settings as well, which is the biggest appeal right now. I'd like to have more control over who reads my blog. I feel like I'd be able to share more details then, not these half assed proclaimations over Xanga.
Diaryland- In 6th grade, I had one of these accounts! Haha...it's almost comical looking back at the trite things I used to write about. Well, you are only young and superficial once, right?
Are there other blogging sites that I should check out? What do you recommend?
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| Recent conversations have led to me close a big chapter in my life (unrelated to ex-bfs, btws). I
am thrilled to have these conversations, although I might say:
It's about time. Some of these issues have become an aggravating portion of my life, and I'm
thrilled to be closing this chapter of my life. And
although the chapter closes, I know that I will always take away the
lessons learned. Closing a chapter doesn't ever mean that you've never
read that portion - it just means it's not an active part of your
current life. For that, I am grateful.
I remember a lot about those years, but it doesn't get to me
anymore. I am able to acknowledge my past and accept that I'd never be
the person I am today without those experiences. I've learned to really
embrace these issues as part of my personal development. Besides, doesn't everyone has those secrets that they don't think they can share with the world? Where do people put those thoughts anyways? I often wonder because most of my friends are fairly open about their secrets, but how much of a person can you really know? If you're good at reading people, then it's possible to seek out the right questions to ask todraw accurate hypothesis. How much of each other do people really want to know? Can people handle the 100% versions of each other? And how many people are actually genuine in the image they project to the world? I've been trying to answer this question lately by watching/listening to people a little more. And of course, getting into a relationship provides some good practice in this catagory.
Chapters close. People grow up. They move onwards. And the past is not something to sit and analyze continuously. (do I sound like a pop-philosopher slash Ann Landers now?) The past only serves two functions: hold memories and teach lessons. Once I've tried to learn all there is to learn from a prior experience, I put it aside. There's no point in re-hashing these events. Perhaps it's why I don't hold grudges for very long. I believe that painful experiences can be salved/replaced by finding the hidden kernel of meaning or by apologies. It's unproductive to get lost in the past b/c there's so much in the
future to look forward to. I know my life won't be perfect/beautiful in
my future, but at least I will lead an honest, healthy, and thoughtful journey. More thoughts if you talk to me personally. Sorry for the cryptic nature of those post, but I'm just not comfortable with the specifics for Xanga.
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| Two nights ago, some moron egged the houses of the Asian families in
our neighborhood. They didn't egg our house, which makes my parents
suspect it was a teenager who did it. I live in the middle of affluent
suburbia. OUr neighborhood looks like it oculd come straight out of
Desperate Housewives. But, my parents moved here because we encountered
so much racism in our old neighborhood in the ghetto. I guess you can't
never escape biogotry, even when you enter what is thought o be a more
"cultured" and "respectful" neighborhood. I am just so angry at how
stupid people can get. The Virginia Tech shooter, Cho, came to the US
when he was 8. He grew up in American culture, probably picked up a
twisted set of values from the US society, similar to myself. There is
no reason to blame Asians for the wrongdoing. If anything, his parents
only taught him to respect other people. Reading the interviews with
his family, one realizes that they felt helpless as Cho struggled with
his mental illnesses. They moved to America to give their kids the best
life, and their intentions were pure. So when people start to egg my
house in fucking suburbia, I beg them to take a look at their own
societal values. My mom doesn't think this is a big deal. She thinks
I'm over-reacting and can't find proof of the link. Like a traditional
Asian woman, she's content to be quiet so maybe it will disappear. And Steph says that Asians take th high road. They don't complain, they only work harder and come out on top. But
you know what...people
have been egging houses even beyond my suburbia. And in today's day and world, I cannot sit on my hands
while this goes on. I'm not that traditional Asian woman.
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